( evil laughter )
Attention, beachgoers!
You are trespassing!
You have exactly 17 minutes
to haul your carcasses off of the future site
of the Chum Bucket Mega Bucket.
Do you hear something?
( high-pitched yammering over bullhorn )
Okay, have it your way!
I don't mind bulldozing
over each and every one...
Mommy, look.
Somebody left this toy tractor here.
Put that down, Billy.
That has germs on it.
Oh...
Aw, Mom...
You'll see!
You'll all see!
The future site of the Chum Bucket Mega Bucket
must be cleared
of these cretinous beachgoers
but it's becoming increasingly obvious!
I can deny it no longer!
I am small.
I need someone big
to clear the beach for me.
I need...
SpongeBob.
♪ Steppin' on the beach, roo-to to-too ♪
Yes. He's the one.
( evil laughter )
I'll have one...
two please.
Thanks.
One, please.
Excuse me.
One, please.
Sorry, kid, we're all out.
Aw, barnacles.
( Plankton sobbing )
( sobbing )
Plankton, what are you doing here?
And why are you crying?
Oh, hi, SpongeBob.
l'm crying because I've got these two ice cream cones
but I only need one.
( sobbing )
I don't know what to do with the other one.
( sobbing )
I'll eat one of those ice cream cones for you.
SpongeBob, would you do that for me?
Sure.
SpongeBob.
SpongeBob! Yeah?
lsn't it great to get the things you desire?
Like that ice cream cone, for instance.
You can have anything you want
with a little training.
Training?
Yes. You just have to learn
to be more assertive, and I can show you how.
Assertive, huh?
That's right.
Anything I want?
Sounds great!
Wonderful.
( evil laughter )
( both laughing )
SpongeBob.
Don't let that guy sit on you.
Assertiveness lesson number one.
Tell him to get off.
Um... excuse me, sir.
Y-you're sitting on my body
which is also my face.
No, no, be assertive.
Beep-beep.
Not insertive.
SpongeBob, you missed your chance.
You've got to be aggressive to get the things you want.
You're too soft.
But I'm a spong...
Don't say it.
( slurping )
There's the guy who took your ice cream.
Don't you want it back?
Ice cream.
Listen, you.
My friend's got something to say.
What? Who said that?
Was it you?
Tell him off, SpongeBob.
Assert yourself.
That's my ice cream cone.
Great!
Now let him have it!
You can have it.
Say, thanks.
No!
I'll show you how.
Hey, pencil-neck!
Yeah, you!
Slither over here!
Surrender that ice cream cone
or every waking moment for you will become
a swirling torrent of pain and misery!
( sobbing )
Hey, that guy was crying.
Those were tears of joy.
He was happy that you were assertive.
Yeah!
You see how wonderful life can be
when you're maniacal?
Uh, I thought it was called assertive.
Whatever.
Well, if it got me this ice cream
then I like it.
( beeping )
I found something.
Uh, excuse me, my metal detector broke.
Can I use yours?
Sure.
SpongeBob.
This is your next lesson.
Be aggressive.
Tell that guy to take a hike.
Do you want to take a hike with me?
Yeah.
Now look what you've done!
Tell that guy to go fall in a ditch.
Hey, go check in that ditch.
Wow. Buried treasure.
Thanks.
Did you see that, Plankton?
That guy found some buried treasure.
SpongeBob, you'll never get it right.
Tell that guy you know karate, and you'll tie him in a knot
if you don't get your metal detector back.
Hey! I'm going to tie your... shoe
if you don't give that back!
But I'm wearing sandals!
Okay! Never mind!
It's all right, Plankton. He's wearing sandals.
What's the matter?
Oh, nothing, SpongeBob.
Mama!
I was just beginning to think
that this is a waste of time.
No, it's not.
Forget it.
I guess you don't have what it takes to be a standup guy.
Well, what about airline food?
What?
Airline food!
My gosh, what is up with that stuff?
Thank you. Good night.
( rimshot )
See, I can be a standup guy. See?
SpongeBob, you'll never get what you want.
You always let people step all over you.
You're just like stairs.
Wait, Plankton, give me another chance.
Okay, but this is
your last chance.
Look at all
those beach hogs
soaking up your sun rays.
Do you have what it
takes to get a tan?
Just watch me!
( all coughing )
Man, this thing is san... dy!
Yes, my plan
is beginning to work.
They're leaving the beach.
SpongeBob,
that was wonderful.
Is that an all-over tan?
Well, not all of me.
VENDOR: Hot dogs!
Look at that huge line
at the hot dog stand.
Assert yourself to the front.
I'll do better than that.
Let's go home.
SpongeBob, that was genius.
Look at all those kite-flyers
blocking your view.
What?!
Breaking your wind.
A-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha!
( growling )
Hey, SpongeBob, throw us the ball.
( trumpeting )
What do we do now?
Let's just go home, I guess.
Ha! Plankton, did you see that?
I was a regular alpha male.
( panting )
Plankton?
( engine starting )
Huh?
Plankton, all my asserting
has driven everybody away.
Exactly.
You didn't tell me
everyone would leave.
Oops.
Mega bucket!
You used me for land development.
That wasn't nice.
Haven't you figured it out, SpongeBob?
Nice guys finish last.
Only aggressive people conquer the world.
( evil laughter )
Well...
what about aggressively nice people?
Huh?
What are you doing?
Hot dogs! Yay!
( panting )
( cheering )
Wait. SpongeBob, stop!
Butterfly kisses.
I... can't take it.
It's too cute.
It's, it's disgusting!
What happened?
I hit a reef with my new board, dude.
No problem.
Whoa!
Killer!
SpongeBob, stop... Before it's too late.
Your kindness is bringing everybody back.
Get back!
Wait!
Ooh! Ouch! Ow! Ow!
No! Ooh! Ow!
Cowabunga!
Thanks, dude.
That was awesome.
( groaning )
Gee, Plankton.
I'm sorry about the Chum Bucket.
Forget about that.
I just can't take so much kindness at one sitting.
Need... hatred.
Volleyball, anyone?
ALL: Yeah!
Service!
( laughing )
Ouch.
( laughing )
Ouch.
( laughing ) Ouch.